


Moments

by Cerih



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Drabbles, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerih/pseuds/Cerih
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of drabbles, to be added to whenever I feel like writing something short. Various pairings and spoilers. On-going project.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Icy Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Just a short drabble I wrote after watching TTLM recently. Spoilers for the said episode, unsurprisingly. Many thanks for Darcy58 for his betaing, as always.

Icy Oblivion

He tells her it is like falling asleep.

It is impolite to lie to a lady, his mother always taught him, but he feels that he has to make an exception with her. He cannot bear to tell her the truth.

When the doctor sedates him, he can feel his consciousness slipping away, but the process never happens quite fast enough. He feels the icy air surrounding his body. The cold is so severe he is certain that one of these days his bones will splinter from it. He wants to scream, to give voice to the pain spreading all through him, but the sedatives keep him paralysed. He has no control over himself; he is locked in his body. Only his mind remains his own. Just when he is certain that he will either go mad or die from the icy agony, the blessed darkness finally carries his mind to the embrace of the awaiting darkness.

He tells her every day for him happens immediately after the previous one.

When he is frozen, deep in the bowels of Torchwood, darkness stretches between each day. He is not quite awake, but he is not quite asleep either. The emptiness that surrounds him is endless; a terrifying expanse that would surely drive him mad if he was fully conscious. He floats through it, a weightless spark of light in the absolute darkness. Light only appears when the resuscitation process begins once again, another year having slipped by in the emptiness. Recently there have been two light sources in the darkness; one is warm and inviting, calling his mind to finally be at peace, but the other light always drags him backwards, to the chilly space that is the Torchwood medical bay. 

On some level, he instinctively knows that one of these days, one of these years, the other light will claim him as its own. What will happen to Torchwood’s plan to use him to save the world then?

For the first time in weeks, or perhaps decades, he wants to come back. He now welcomes the icy pain and the utter darkness. They are now a prelude to the next time he opens his eyes to find her looking down at him. She calms his racing heart – is it just the adrenaline they have injected into him? She grounds him in the first moments when he cannot remember who he is or why he exists. 

He has known her for four days. She has known him for four years. Yet, those moments spent together are enough for both of them. He knows what he wants and although she is shy, she seems to want the same thing. Courting is difficult when he is only awake one day a year, but somehow they manage it just the same.

There is one more thing he does not tell her, at least not while she is awake. When she has finally succumbed to exhaustion, wrapped safely in his arms, he whispers the words over and over. His words become a memory, something to keep her safe and sound when he is cold in his grave, his mind finally at peace.


	2. Island of the Cursed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC and I make no money from this.
> 
> Author’s notes: I wrote this drabble about six months ago, but for whatever reason forgot to post it. I seem to recall it was a momentary distraction from Love Worth Remembering.

Island of the Cursed

Sometimes he marvels how Jack has not gone mad a long time ago. Or perhaps he has, but he has always been good at hiding it.

It starts with a simple requisition form. It is marked for Jack’s attention only, but Jack is gone and may never come back. Torchwood has to go on, despite what may have happened to its leader. So Ianto opens the envelope and reads through the standard form with a growing sense of curiosity.

It details a long list of items required, all finished off with the words “as usual”. The tone of the forms is borderline demanding, as if there is no question about whether the list will be approved. Ianto’s eyebrows climb impossibly high at the large quantities of anti-psychotic medications and sedatives detailed as required. Even the Hub does not hold inventory like that. Instead of a signature, the words ‘Flat Holm’ have been scrawled at the bottom of the form.

In hindsight, he wishes he never touched the damn requisition form. Because once he has opened that particular can of worms, there is no going back.

In the aftermath of the havoc wreaked by Bilis Manger and the Rift, Jack had forgotten to change the combination of his safe. He enters the familiar digits with shaking fingers. The safe holds many secrets, but in this instance, he is after only one of them. Tucked to one side on the lowest shelf sits a stack of paperwork, surprisingly neat bearing in mind the sometimes haphazard Captain who has placed it there. In a folder labelled ‘Flat Holm’ he finds a series of familiar requisition forms, all approved, and more questions than answers. At the back of the folder, he finds a set of co-ordinates.

He should never have entered them into their map database. _They are for an island just off the coast._

He should never have called up satellite images of the island. _It looks barren, just a simple bunker standing there, but if you rewind the footage back far enough, you will see Jack visiting that bunker on a regular basis._

He should never have found out which boat Jack used to charter to get there. _At the mention of the name Torchwood the captain knows straight away where you want to go and he tells you to hop on board before the tide changes._

He should never have got on the boat and he certainly should not have set foot on that island. _A quick look is all you are interested in, just to find out what Jack has hidden here, away from the rest of the team._

He should never have entered the bunker, never have found the hidden access panel. _You know Jack’s access codes, you thought you knew everything about Torchwood, but see how wrong you turned out to be._

The nurses are surprised to see him at first, looking a little lost in the dank corridor, but then Helen comes to find him. Once he has explained that he was there on behalf of Jack, just to double check that things are running smoothly, she gives him a quick tour of the facility. His ability to keep his emotions hidden behind the polished mask comes in handy, as he gazes upon the broken people tended to with such care and compassion. 

__Then the screams start._ _

__Even in the boat on his way back to the mainland, the screams still percolate around his head, each heart wrenching sound amplified by countless echoes._ _

__He wonders if this is the first step to going mad. Part of him thinks insanity would be a blessing; he welcomes the prospect of relief from the god awful sounds. Yet another terrible experience with Torchwood that he would never be able to erase from his memories._ _

__Sometimes, the screams are so loud he cannot think straight. During those nights he seeks refuge in Jack’s bunker, curling up on the narrow, uncomfortably hard bed. He listens to his breathing filling the small space with soft whispers and wonders if Jack has spent nights like this, desperately wishing there was a way to silence the screams in his head. How often must he have lain on this very same bed, unable to block out the horrid sounds? He thinks this might be why Jack sometimes reached out for him, haunted look in his eyes, and filled the silent hours of the night with the sounds of their passion. Because sometimes the silence is unbearable, for it lets you hear the screams in your head that much better. He wishes Jack was there now, so he could reach out, so he could find some solace against the memories echoing in his mind._ _

__He thinks that perhaps now he understands Jack a little better. There are secrets that are better off not shared and Flat Holm is one of them._ _


End file.
